| Ok...So heres my story in a nutshell. For the past like three years, I have considered myself bisexual. I usually want to hook up with girls, but get hard when thinking about sex with guys, so I usually just watched gay porn. Over the past month, however, I got myself to only watch straight porn. I found myself having wet dreams about guys though. My dilemma is this: I'm nervous I won't be able to get hard when I have sex with a girl. Any advice or experience??? Thanks. Hottmale |
I am afraid I don't have any advice or experience to share to address your specific problem, , but I am writing to tell you that you have given me an important clue in solving one of the longest standing problem in life's grand puzzle for me...
But first let me tell you this. I'm from India and I can tell you that ALL MEN HAVE A SEXUAL NEED FOR MEN -- or in Western terminology all straight men are bisexuals. Even though today, after India's Westernization and heterosexualization, men don't admit it anymore, however, for him who is willing to look behind social facades, this universal male sexuality for men becomes very obvious.
I have had several platonic relations with straight men (I'm also part of them), , which nevertheless had a strong sexual element which was also expressed freely though in unacknowledged ways. but I always saw them struggling with their sexual feelings for me, while not being able to break from me either. All this had a set pattern, and it became the goal of my life to understand what prevents straight men from getting ahead and having a relationship, although hidden with other men, when they have such intense desire to do so. I mean it was understandable that they would not want to acknowledge these feelings and have any relationship quietly, hidden from the world. But, I saw them fighting with their feelings, one after the other, as if they wanted to get rid of it... That I had aroused in them a need which they had been fighting so far, and they couldn't leave it or take it. It was a most pitiable condition they were in.
Amongst the various reasons I could establish --- after analysing men after men -- all of them straight, majority, regular guys, in extremely emotional intimacy with me -- seeing their most vulnerable side, that the world never even knew or acknowledged existed --- were:
(a) (the most important), the concept of 'sexual orientation' which created a fear in them of being segregated and isolated from the 'men's identity', space and 'manhood'., and being labelled with the third gender, queer gay identity which they just didn't feel they were part of. They just didn't feel different from other men (they were all into it secretly); This made them not recognize their sexual need for men even in the privacy of two people who loved each other.
(b) Strong social disapproval. However, if it wasn't for the above reason, men could have easily accepted their desire in private...
(c) Strong social power and manhood that came with proving your sexual need for women and proving a repulsion for sexuality with men, with which the society bought the souls of straight men.
(d) Strong punishments for crossing the 'manhood line (in the west the heterosexual' line) -- although, instead of actual sex with men, it was an acknowledgement of their sexual interest in men that decided whether they had cross the 'manhood' line and made the difference between who was 'gay' and who was not. The strongest punishment was what has been mentioned in point (a) -- isolation from masculine male space (men's spaces) and identity or manhood and banishment into the third sex, 'homosexual' ghetto. Other punishments followed from this, including social ridicule, vulnerability, disempowerment, and so on.
(e) Strong conditioning of straight men right from the adolescence, that makes them believe that the only way to be a man is by relating sexually with women and by avoiding intimacy with men (this is actually a characteristic of a westernized/ partly westernized society).
(f) HUGE ego that the society builds around straight men after they have proven their exclusive heterosexual status -- whether real or fake. Men are extremely scared of this ego being broken, and although it makes the men seem much more powerful and strong than they really are, it is actually hollow from inside, and the real man inside is much-much weaker , vulnerable and hollow than the masks and ego make him appear, because this inner man was always suppressed and never allowed to develop. What mattered was conformity.
This can also be understood as the society putting straight men on a HIGH, very high pedestal once they prove their exclusive heterosexual status, including a repulsion for intimacy with men. Men are threatened with being thrown from this height into the dark depths of 'gay' world, at the lowest bottom, if they break the rule of crossing the 'manhood' line to acknowledge their sexual and romantic feelings for men. Men are extremely afraid of falling down from this pedestal.
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However, apart from all these reasons, I used to get a vague feeling that one reason is that somehow straight men believed that if they start being with another man, they would lose their 'heterosexuality' so to speak, something they have built very painstakingly, but is actually very, very fragile and vulnerable (making me suspect that it is more a product of nurture, conditioning and social pressures than natural). It was like if they allowed themselves to like men, they would lose the capacity to like women, and thus would risk losing their manhood -- A matter of life and death for anyman (in the west manhood is called 'straight', and the lack of it is termed as 'gay', although these concepts/ terms are mis/redefined in terms of sexuality).
I also felt that they were worried that if they started to have sex with men, they would lose the capacity to have sex with women. But I could never confirm any of this from straight men, because you can't talk to them about these things. They would rather die than admit these issues even exist. Gays know nothing about this aspect of straight men, even in India.
By putting it in such exact words, you have for the first time defined a this fear that straight men have. And this gives me another lead, to solve the puzzle of the complexity of man's oppression in this world, which only sees their masks of heterosexuality and social power -- not who they reall y are. they are defined by the gays who are themselves an artificial creation of the western heterosexual society.
In any case, I have a feeling that you could be very helpful for me, by giving me an insight into the straight mind which, usually, never talks about these things. I could use this knowledge in my fight to liberate straight men.
